Tips for surviving a wedding with a four year old

Tips for surviving a wedding with a four year old:

- Teach them yoga. If they become wild have them show off the tree pose.

- Don't be afraid to use the phrase, "I'm the mom" as many times as you need to and to whomever needs reminding.

- After they are dressed and before pictures make them get naked before eating.

- Use the wedding cake as incentive for good behavior.

- Let family and friends watch them but keep an eye out for anyone sneaking them sugar.

- Let them pee on a tree before the ceremony. Otherwise they will swear they don't have to go until the vows are being read. (This might only work for boys.)

- Ignore all nasty looks and snarky comments. You are providing an alternative method of birth control for the bride and groom.

LM

Morning rap

Here is a little rap for your enjoyment!

Could it be the milk on your table or your sticky hands
that make the morning so long?

Or is it the battle of the clothing, the matching socks
that has inspired this song?

My son I love you and I want to encourage your independence.
But it is summer dear, no sweaters and underwear is required for attendance.

Dad you're not helping by suggesting he wear his transformer pajama pants to school.
I know it isn't a fashion show but wearing his Tony Hawk outfit makes him look so cool!

Brushing your teeth is a requirement sweetie, it is not mommy being mean.
You already get away with three baths a week even though I'd like you to be clean.

Oh and since when have you hated bananas especially in your cereal?
Seriously love your breakfast demands will not become imperial!

Alpha Female

I have decided that I will become the alpha female in my house. Our dog is so sweet to my son. She licks him and treats him like a pup. The dog listens to my husband and follows him every where he goes. After speaking with a dog trainer this weekend I've realized that our dog is mean to me because she thinks she is the alpha female.

Behaviors that indicate that our dog thinks she is the alpha female:

When I sit next to my husband she comes and barks at me nonstop. When possible she jumps up and tries to wedge herself between us.

When I get out of bed to hit snooze in the morning, our dog jumps into bed, takes my spot, and snuggles with my husband.

She will not listen to commands from me. If my husband says the same command she immediately does it.

She humps me. It is not pleasant.

So Operation Take Back Alpha Female starts today. Watch out dog, you're not going to get treats from me for just being cute anymore!

LM

Four Year Old Jokes

Today my four year old son had a variety of jokes.

uh-oh, hope he isn't becoming an axe murderer joke:
s: Why did the marshmallow mouse cross the road when there were so many cars?
me: I don't know, why?
s: Because he wanted to be crushed by the cars.
me: That isn't a funny joke.
dad: That is pretty funny.

cute jokes:
s: Why did the mouse cross the road?
me: I don't know, why?
s: Because he wanted to get his walnut!

s: Why did the house fly?
me: Why?
s: Because he was a rocket ship!

Grasshopper, you are almost there!

The dog has almost become a successful grasshopper hunter. My husband and my son go out with their nets and catch bugs to feed the animals. It is beyond cute! The grasshoppers are quick little things so we've been training our dog to eat them if they get loose.

She is getting pretty good!

LM